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by Bob Waite
There are those who wish to make Canada America’s 51st state.
Well, I have a better idea.
Why not make New England Canada’s 11th province?
When you think about it, New England and Canada’s Atlantic provinces share a great deal in common.
For example, we root for the same sports teams. The majority of people in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and Newfoundland are Bruins, Celtics, Patriots, and Red Sox fans.
Indeed, in the past, there have even been ball games at Fenway Park dedicated to intrepid Bean Town enthusiasts from New Brunswick and Nova Scotia.
We share the Gulf of Maine. And the Gulf Stream caresses our common shoreline.
We also share the same weather. When a Nor’easter barrels its way up the coast of Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Maine, it does not just disappear (although it looks like that on some U.S. weather maps).
That same storm continues to churn northwards, making folks in Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, and Labrador just as miserable as us.
Think of the economic advantages. We’d corner the market for lobster and maple syrup. We’d also pretty much sew up the world’s blueberry market.
If somebody threatened to cut off our oil supply or our access to AI chips, nothing says retaliation like halting your antagonist’s access to blueberries.
Becoming a province would also allow New England to completely reorganize politically, rolling six states into one entity.
Just think of the synergies and potential savings of having just one capital instead of a half dozen!
As to location, my choice would be right in the center: Concord, N.H. Preferably as near to the N.H. State Liquor Store as possible.
As for the surplus state houses and capital buildings, they could become Amazon warehouses or casinos – or, better still, casinos run by Amazon.
I know what you’re all thinking: What about the whole “king” thing? Not to worry.
I’ve met King Charles III twice. Trust me, he’s harmless – nothing like George III.
He loves New England’s colonial architecture … not to mention our lobster, maple syrup, and blueberries.
Another thing to keep in mind is that we’ll finally be able to join the rest of the world in using the metric system.
It, like the guillotine, was invented by the French, so you know it has to be cutting-edge.
In no time, you’ll be saying things like “Wow, Alex Bregman just hit that fastball 120 meters!” or marveling at a newborn 3,628.74-gram baby.
And because all grocery labels are in both English and French, you’ll finally learn a foreign language.
There’s also the currency to consider. When you turn in your U.S. greenbacks, you’ll get 1.43 Canadian dollars for each one. You’ll be rich!
Withdrawing from the U.S. might present a problem. But it could be as simple as just calling out, “Hey, psst! Over there! Isn’t that Texas sneaking out of the Union?” and using the distraction to quietly slip away.
Let’s face it. If we don’t act quickly, California, Oregon, and Washington might try to beat us to the punch — with their avocados, apples, and grapes.
And a good California or Washington State cabernet probably trumps blueberry wine.
Bob says he sometimes flies the unofficial flag of New England – the old Bunker Hill Battle flag – in front of his house. If you want to flag some flaws in his thinking, he can be reached at bob.waite@senecapolytechnic.ca.
